the origins of social anxiety

A child who grows up with no reliable human source of love, support and protection typically falls into a great deal of social unease. He "naturally" becomes reluctant to seek support from anyone, and he is forced to adopt self-sufficiency as a survival strategy.

Needing anything from others can feel especially dangerous. The survivor's innate capacity to experience comfort and support in relationship becomes very limited or non-existent. This is despite the fact that many high functioning survivors learn to socially function quite adequately.

This is particularly the case in structured situations where expectations are clear and common goals take the focus off conversing and put it on task accomplishments. Unstructured social situations however, like attending parties or just hanging out, can be considerably more triggering. Spontaneous self-expression feels like the same setup for disaster that it was in childhood.

- Pete Walker MFT, from Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving