Who the parent is

The secret of parenting is not in what a parent does but rather who the parent is to a child. When a child seeks contact and closeness with us, we become empowered as a nurturer, a comforter, a guide, a model, a teacher, or a coach. For a child well attached to us, we are her home base from which to venture into the world, their retreat to fall back to, his fountainhead of inspiration. All the parenting skill in the world cannot compensate for a lack of attachment relationship. All the love in the world cannot get through without the psychological umbilical cord created by the child's attachment.

- Gordon Neufeld, Ph.D., Gabor Mate, M.D. - Hold On To Your Kids (adapted)